Stupidity

Have you ever notice how stupidity can so easily disguise itself as something else? In my case this evening, it disguised itself as righteous anger.

First of all, let me explain that I'm insecure, suspicious, needy and slightly neurotic. Catch of the day, right? *sighs* Anyways, all of these things add up to me overreacting to certain things in a relationship. Like lack of communication. Communication is one of those necessities in any relationship but I firmly believe that a DD relationship will very quickly wither and die without it. And, I'm a girl, I like to talk. And in an LDR, conversations are often the only link a couple has for long periods of time. So if the person I'm involved with seems completely uninterested in talking to me, the aforementioned traits come screaming to the surface of my personality.

So all of this combines to make for a messy situation sometimes. Today being one of those "sometimes". D and I were hanging out online and towards the end of our conversation I began getting only one word answers or no answer at all. Now, a more reasonable and cool headed individual may simply have asked "Is this a bad time for you to talk?" or something along those lines. Well, I'm neither reasonable nor cool headed. As a matter of fact I have a notoriously hot temper attached to an amazingly short fuse. Add my general insecurities about relationships and you've just got a big old mess of anger and hurt feelings.

I promise that I've told you all of this with a point buried in there somewhere. So I leave the house to go to dinner with some friends and I've got this mess of feelings bouncing around inside of me. One of the main rules for me is "no speeding". Like, absolutely NO SPEEDING. Well, I just threw that out the window on my way down the road. At one point I was pushing 80mph in a 65 mph zone. Smart, right? So I get to the restaurant and realize I don't have my wallet. So not only did I break the no speeding rule, I did it without my license. Anyways, I have wonderful friends who covered my dinner, so at least that part of the evening wasn't a waste.

Now, at this point you would think "She knows she doesn't have her license, she'll be more careful driving home". I believe I mentioned that I am not a rational woman. I didn't slow down one bit driving home. By the time I got home, however, I was a nervous wreck because I realized that I was going to be in *BIG* trouble when I finally talked to D. Not only do we have the speeding deal but now we have what you would call "willful disobedience", all because I was hurt and angry over...well, nothing at all.

So after a few hours of agonizing and waiting for him to get home from work I was finally able to break down and confess everything to D. Which actually went much better than planned. He added to the spanking I have coming for Labor Day weekend, but he didn't lecture nearly as much as I had thought he might. So now I at least feel purged of most of my guilt but I know that I won't feel 100% better until the discipline is dealt with. So there you have it folks, stupidity in action.